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it can’t get any worse, can it?

September 27, 2017 by

This month I was hiking in the California wilderness with a very rudimentary map. The trail did not seem to match the description given by the park ranger. Much younger people were breezing by me as they climbed the mountainous path. No one was coming back as this was a circle trail. Thus, no local information, no reassurance, no help. I could gauge my distance and estimate if I had enough daylight to make it to the end. But, there were dark rain clouds overhead. What to do?

Adventures in life have beginnings, middles and endings. You start accumulating these experiences early on. If you are fortunate at a young age, you have wiser people around who can help you with the challenges. As you age, you may be less willing to reach out for that help, but could still use it.

The majority of your personal growth occurs in two arenas. Freud said love and work are the two biggies in our lives. As you think back over your life, where are your greatest turmoils and resulting lessons located? I would suspect it’s your relationship and work experiences that most impact who you become. Play can also be a contributor to the development of your unique talents and interests.

“Love and work, work and love, that’s all there is”
Sigmund Freud

So I continued a gradual climb over the rocky, tree rooted trail. Enjoying the blue sky, clear air and gorgeous vegetation. I was at 8500 feet, but the air was sufficient for the task ahead. After a few hours, my enjoyment and the novelty switched to worries of how much farther to the destination and would it get more difficult and storm?

You often want to believe that the worst is behind you and you have clear sailing ahead. My companions and I entertained the idea of turning back. We knew that path and were positive that it would be downhill in that direction. But we had come more than half way.  What if we missed something glorious ahead? No one else had turned around. How difficult could it be?

These turning points in life occur on many different paths. Barbara is wondering whether she should leave her marriage. The children are launched and she feels a lack of camaraderie with her husband. Would a change be better or worse?

Mitchell thinks about changing his job and even starting over in a new career. He yearns to learn new things and to make a difference. His current work has grown stale and unimportant.

How do you choose? What process do you take in your decision making? In my dilemma I discussed it over with my fellow hikers. We all felt strong enough to walk the final miles. We expressed a curiosity about possible new vistas ahead and we wanted to test ourselves. How is this similar or different when the arena is not play, but work or love?

Barbara starts talking with friends and family about her marital dissatisfaction. She enters therapy to clarify her thinking and feelings. She prepares for communications with her husband and ultimately suggests couple therapy. Barbara is determining what her options are before she makes a final decision.

Mitchell likewise consults with friends and family regarding his work discomfort. He identifies areas for change and enlists his supervisor and co-workers in a plan. He decides to take some classes and finds a volunteer position that meets some needs.

Both reach outside and inside to get support, identify a vision and take small steps. My hike ended well. We were tired, satisfied and awed by the beauty in the forest. And the storm stayed away. Next time we will be familiar with this trail and can choose it again or pick a new one. The lesson was: it may get worse, but you can handle it.

What challenge lies ahead for you?

Pick a question to take on
Determine the resources needed
Ask for input
Create a plan
Take action and review results

Smooth sailing ahead and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , ,

chasing your dreams: the interim step

March 27, 2017 by

Last month I met several people who traveled near and far to realize one of their dreams. For some it was securing their ideal work. For others it was choosing a lifestyle fit for their souls. How often do you ask, “Am I living my dreams?” No matter what age, you ponder how close you’ve come and what still lies ahead.

Transition points can occur naturally or with effort. You graduate school and move into the work world. You change jobs as you advance in your career. Your children grow up and launch. You create a business. You leave the paid workforce. These transitions shape who you become and reflect on how authentically your path evolves.

An example of a crooked path that represents a life well-lived is Juan. I met Juan, a surfing instructor, in Costa Rica. Before he was able to actualize his dream, Juan’s passion for surfing led him on a detour. Juan grew up in a South American region with economic and political unrest, violence and kidnapping. He felt unsafe and feared for his family’s welfare. Surfing became an interest and escape from the stresses of daily life.

When Juan became an adult, his goal was to move to the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. As it happened, he went by way of Canada. Frequently, a straight line doesn’t exist to reach your goal. The goals identified in youth are transfigured by the experiences and information you obtain while on the road. At times you may feel totally off course and wonder, “How did I get here and why am I doing this work that doesn’t interest me?” or “Why am I living here or with this person?”

In Juan’s case he went to Canada to live in safety with his sister. He didn’t speak English and didn’t see an opportunity to surf, but a surprise was in store for him. Through his interests, he met a community of people who loved surfing and did it on the Great Lakes! As Juan says, “I didn’t expect to be surfing with ice on my beard”. But he was surfing and learning to teach others and studying English.

Eventually Juan made it to Costa Rica where he has the life of his dreams. He has a wife, a child, his family has joined him and he created his own business. Juan teaches others to use surfing as a means for growth and transformation.

“If you listen to your own inner voice, it will tell you where you are now, and which method will work best for you in your evolution towards the light”

Ram Dass

If you are stuck in a situation that seems not working for you, what are your options? Dissatisfaction leads to feelings of hopelessness and despair. You lose your creativity and positivity. One way to determine where you are is to cherry pick the good parts. Who is special in your community? What skills are you learning? What values are you expressing? What purpose is being shared? Selecting out the opportunities in your current position and viewing this time as a stepping stone help to cherish this moment in your life cycle.

You are never wasting time when you’re in an interim step. This can be a jumping off point for the next, tailor-made situation. Take in whatever you can. Ask what you need to learn and seek possibilities to do it.

So I spent the winter in a surf town. I’m not a surfer, nor did I plan to become one. But I learned from that community and I reveled in the parts that worked for me. I discovered what it means to fight to be in that almost perfect place that makes your heart sing.

Perhaps your community isn’t exactly what you want it to be. Perhaps you aren’t living your values doing precisely what you dreamed, but the experiences can be important. Being flexible, curious and open to possibilities and turns in the road can lead you closer to your authentic life.

Make use of Now:

Create your vision
Enumerate the parts
Check off what you have
What’s missing?
How can you get it now?
How can you make the leap?

Enjoy the curves and see you on the path!

 

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

late blooming: careers meant for you

July 28, 2016 by

Ever wonder how your career would look if you had chosen a different major, or lived abroad or worked twenty years before starting a family? We can call these curiosities or regrets or even contemplations. What still nags at you to accomplish or experience? I’ve always wanted to live on the edge of water and if I’m really truthful, wanted to live and work outside the U.S….for a while.

I did the foreign piece and still am fortunate to travel frequently. After a long career as a therapist, I started my own business. Which is like giving birth at 60. And I’m still helping people, which I love. So what’s missing? Is it just a lifestyle by the water?

What is essential in your lifestyle and livelihood? What is calling you? Is it a writing career, politics or that invention you never started? Is it a dreamed about community or lifestyle?

Whenever I return from a trip I’m thrilled to be back in my own comfortable space. I say to friends, “I love my house and garden, but I wish I could carry them around the world”. Seeing and experiencing new vistas and cultures bring excitement, stimulation and learning.

People feel similarly about their jobs. Over time they become stale, you want something new. And yet frequent reluctance to change keeps you inert. Career benefits, security and colleagues block any urge to transition. Plus a worry that it is too late. You wonder if you are too old to be hired, too foggy to go back to school, too tired to become an entrepreneur.

The myth that everything career related must be accomplished by age 65 restricts you from dreaming up new paths. And yet look at the “late” bloomers, people who have entered new realms while in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s: Grandma Moses, Colonel Sanders, Ronald Reagan, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

You probably have already bloomed in one or more fields, but is there a new one bubbling inside? Sometimes your blooming interest is related in focus, but comes in a different form. Or you turn a hobby into a career. Or you proceed in an entirely different direction.

Experience and age lead to increased self knowledge and motivation. You have the awareness of what makes you happy, how you prefer spending your time, what’s essential to your existence. Creating purpose and giving back call out as we get older. Knowing your work is vital to others allows you to feel relevant and useful.

Aging reminds you that life is finite. You don’t have unlimited time. What are you avoiding that is important? Even if the answer isn’t readily evident, the nagging dissatisfaction signals it’s time to look. To dig deeper into what needs to be eliminated and added to your life.

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open”

Alexander Graham Bell

Bill is 55 and has a good position and success in his company. He enjoys his co-workers and makes a comfortable living. But Bill is wondering how much longer he wants to remain. While considering retirement at the traditional age of 65, Bill can’t fathom doing this career ten more years. He wants more freedom, more creativity, something more challenging to sink his teeth into. Something that matters. Bill is on the Board of a local non-profit. Helping children from impoverished homes feels very fulfilling to him.

“Certainly I can’t go back to school to become a social worker,” Bill thinks. “I’m way too old for that.” But who says Bill is too old and that higher education is the only entry to a new field? In order to discover his options for helping children, Bill needs more information about what organizations exist and the variety of roles professionals fill. Bill needs to talk to people who are doing what interests him. He requires role models and mentors.

What actions do you need to take in order to bloom in a new way? How vital is it for you to grow and develop? What will be the loss if you fail to act? A place to begin is this resource on career changes.

And no, for me a lifestyle by the water isn’t enough.

Get ready for blooming:

What will you regret never doing?
How do you want to contribute?
What talents can you share?
Explore the possibilities
Try one on

Keep growing and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , ,

midlife career change: thinking outside the box

April 29, 2016 by

Many 50 something people have had it with their jobs. What once was interesting and challenging has now become burdensome. You long for a change, but fear the consequences.

Who will hire an older worker? What do you want to do next? Where can you go? And who will match  your salary and benefits? These are legitimate questions that require creative solutions. Though eager for a change, you want to control the outcome. You want something better for yourself, not worse. But you fear you will regret your moves.

Unpleasant work is at least familiar. With new work you don’t know what lies ahead. It’s unlikely at 50 or 60 that you will find a job posting that sounds like it’s exactly made for you. But at first that’s what you might do…look at job listings.

Maybe that kind of search is how you began your career. But it’s rarely how you will progress now. The hard truth is that the opportunity you seek isn’t out there. You have to design it. And most people hate to hear that. They want an easier way. Surely you’ve earned it. You want people to call you with an opportunity.

Of course there are still government and private jobs that are listed online. But even those require making connections and becoming noticed. And you wonder, do they already have someone in mind for this position? How do you become that someone?

Olivia has climbed her ladder successfully and is paying the price for it. She is stressed, overweight, has high blood pressure, her marriage is rocky and she finds little time for family or friends. With achievement at work comes more responsibility, greater expectations, higher stakes. Olivia wishes she could disappear sometimes, but doesn’t even take her vacation time. Who would carry the ship when she is gone? If they mess things up, she’ll have more to clean up when she returns. It’s not even worth it.

Once you have reached the top, it’s hard to back down. That’s not the way it works, or is it? What if it was customary to switch gears, change priorities, walk away and care less for the title and salary and do more of what you want?

Even after working for years, many of us don’t know what we want. You know you don’t relish what exists, but have little idea of what’s possible. And you have lots of doubts about your ability to reinvent.

Reinvention can be a lonely road. Thinking about something new while you are struggling with huge responsibilities is daunting. You wonder if it’s easier to suffer through your career until the magic date of “retirement”. But then you’re faced with another transition. What will you do with yourself then? Better to figure out your path as early as possible and act on it, than live an unauthentic life. And it’s never one path, but many.

“The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking”

Robert Harold Schuller

Gathering together all your lessons learned, your self knowledge and your courage, it’s time to have a serious talk. What’s the cost if you go on like this 10-20 more years? Do you wait until your later years find true satisfaction? Some options are to make things better where you are, get a side gig you love or make a switch.

Figuring out the basic essentials you require to live a satisfied life and tapping into your curiosity can lead you on a journey of investigation. What do you enjoy? If you didn’t have to work, what would you do? What skills do you want to share? Who needs your help? What environment calls you? Getting these answers gives you a direction.

Once you have a direction you can find others who share your interests, whether it’s groups, institutions, associations. Go out and meet those people. Learn how they are contributing. Start involving yourself. An attitude of possibility, positivity and puzzle solving will serve you as you enter your transition.

Write your own job description. Be brave, uncensored, honest. Then find ways to carry it out. It may not come in a package with everything tied up in a box. Instead, think outside the old boxes. Find new ways to live differently. Head in a new direction that builds on the past but doesn’t replicate it.

“Thinking will not overcome fears but action will”

William Clement Stone

Ready to start?

Discover your target
Where’s the community?
Learn from them
Start to engage
Create your own opportunities

Leap onto the path and see you there!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,