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who is a person at 70: creating the ideal life

July 27, 2017 by

So as I approach turning 70, I’m somewhat of a mess. You see my mother had a massive stroke on her 70th birthday and was paralyzed in a wheelchair for ten plus years. Her life changed on a dime and my father’s too. For he became her caregiver.

As a result I began to appreciate my ability to walk, something I had taken for granted. And also having two arms that functioned. I started walking every day and being mindful of accessibility, which was seriously lacking back then. My mother had her mind, but not her body. I wondered which was worse to lose.

When my father died, my mother moved into a nursing home. She chose not to move into my home in Virginia, even though I constructed accommodations. As the only child I became an executive caretaker while the “home” did the heavy lifting. Her life became very limited.

But am I my mother at 70? Is it ok to carve out a different path? I no longer walk daily and my diet is far from perfect. But my stress level has improved since retiring as a psychotherapist. I have my own part-time coaching business that brings me great satisfaction. I have a loving husband who takes good care of me and we are designing a great life.

One uncertain part for me is that my husband is 86 and it’s unknown how long we will have together. He is healthier than I and takes care of himself, but you never know these things. We all have an expiration date. Uncertainty is the norm. The life I had before is gone and the one I have now will not last forever. Change is the rule. And for a control freak like me, I don’t like to acknowledge that.

But here I am, thinking about my 70th birthday. I want to make it different than my mother’s, so I’ve planned a trip in Polynesia on a boat. Could I have gone any further or exotic? Yet that is what I enjoy, new sights, new cultures, water. This is a long term dream and I’m making it come true.

I actually have had a few dreams that came true. Always wanted to see Machu Picchu and did that for my retirement present. Always wanted to help the less fortunate and that’s been most of my career. I wanted to have biological and adopted children and did that. I wanted to see Washington DC and I’ve lived here for 40+ years. I wanted to study, live and work abroad and I’ve done that. I wanted to see the world and I’m progressing on that. I wanted to use my Spanish language skills and I do that. I wanted to give back and I do that. I wanted to winter in hot spots and I’m doing that. I wanted to live by the water and I’m renting that. I wanted to continuously learn and I do that.

So what does it mean to be 70? I can still do whatever I want. There are few restrictions. My feet and knees hurt, but I can hike for miles. I can put more effort into losing weight, eating healthy and being more active. I can make room for that. My mind is active.

Being 70, healthy and financially stable means I can design my next chapters. I can work as I want. I can coach, love my family, write a book, become an artist, create some projects. There are new interests driving me to explore.

While I’m living my ideal life, some things are missing. I have regrets and sadness regarding some loved ones. They struggle more than I’d hope. My learning is to love them where they are and work at adjusting my worries and expectations. I can’t control anyone but myself.

So I will stop comparing and be grateful for what I have. That’s it, be grateful for the joy and meaning that color my life. I have family and friends, health, a purpose and can create more. Anything is possible.

“God’s not done with me yet”
Jesse Jackson

I will continue to learn, grow and improve. I will be courageous and live to the last breath. I will be good to people and help them as I’m able. I will be proud of myself. I will get off my duff and be active and alive. I will stay hopeful and work to better the world.

Ask yourself:

What makes your ideal life?
What is being vs doing?
What are your life lessons?
What do you want to change, keep, let go of?

Giddy up and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Wellbeing Tagged With: , , , ,

career confusion: the winding transitions

December 28, 2016 by

“What if I’m not good enough?” asks the Emma Stone character in the hit movie La La Land. She plays an actress/barista who faces disappointment regularly in her auditions. Likewise her love interest, played by Ryan Gosling, fails to earn money playing the jazz he loves. Are they stymied or do they forge on?

When have you fought for your dreams or, on the other hand, walked away from them? What is the tipping point that signals you to muster more faith or to know that it’s time to discard an ambition?

A complicating factor on many career paths are relationships. Can you have both work and love or must you sacrifice one for the other? Once choices are made, do you consider “what if”? What lessons do you take from the decisions you chose?

Life doesn’t consist of just one career decision. You may have several transition points along a full life. Your dreams grow and change as you do. What you longed for as a child can be vastly different at midlife. Sometimes you discard early dreams only to circle back to them at a later time.

Michael always loved science and entered medical school to become a surgeon. His career was long and outstanding. He had few regrets. But now in his 50’s, Michael is ready to leave medicine and take up something different. Healing, fame, money no longer call him. Michael wants to use his hands in a new, creative way. He wants to sculpt.

Fortunately, Michael is financially secure and has the freedom to explore new ways to use his time and talents. What of those who dream of a transition, but need to earn a living? Or perhaps specific opportunities lie far away from family and friends. How to choose? What will you regret most? The lost career or the lost relationship? Is it possible to have it all?

Life is a series of twists and turns. Sometimes you think lightly of a single decision: which school to attend, which major to study, which person to date, which city to live in. Yet those decisions can influence which doors open and close and impact your progress. Careful thought in decision making is important. You never have a crystal ball: all the needed information about yourself and the world. But you can consider wisely with what you know at the time.

“To be careless in making decisions is to naively believe that a single decision impacts nothing more than that single decision, for a single decision can spawn a thousand others that were entirely unnecessary or it can bring peace to a thousand places we never knew existed”

Craig D. Lounsbrough

Your work lives mean a great deal to you. They support you as you support the missions of your industries. Keeping a steady hand on the tiller as you navigate the smooth and choppy waters and acting with your values and priorities give you a sense of engagement and control. With eyes wide open you can make the best decisions for your future.

Believing you are “good enough” and capable of growth sustains you as you reach for your dreams. Maybe life doesn’t turn out exactly as you imagined, but if you are nimble and hopeful, what appears can be an intriguing opportunity.

Clarifying the confusion:

What currently works?
What doesn’t?
What change do you seek?
Where do you start?
What resources do you need?

Happy New Year and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

late blooming: careers meant for you

July 28, 2016 by

Ever wonder how your career would look if you had chosen a different major, or lived abroad or worked twenty years before starting a family? We can call these curiosities or regrets or even contemplations. What still nags at you to accomplish or experience? I’ve always wanted to live on the edge of water and if I’m really truthful, wanted to live and work outside the U.S….for a while.

I did the foreign piece and still am fortunate to travel frequently. After a long career as a therapist, I started my own business. Which is like giving birth at 60. And I’m still helping people, which I love. So what’s missing? Is it just a lifestyle by the water?

What is essential in your lifestyle and livelihood? What is calling you? Is it a writing career, politics or that invention you never started? Is it a dreamed about community or lifestyle?

Whenever I return from a trip I’m thrilled to be back in my own comfortable space. I say to friends, “I love my house and garden, but I wish I could carry them around the world”. Seeing and experiencing new vistas and cultures bring excitement, stimulation and learning.

People feel similarly about their jobs. Over time they become stale, you want something new. And yet frequent reluctance to change keeps you inert. Career benefits, security and colleagues block any urge to transition. Plus a worry that it is too late. You wonder if you are too old to be hired, too foggy to go back to school, too tired to become an entrepreneur.

The myth that everything career related must be accomplished by age 65 restricts you from dreaming up new paths. And yet look at the “late” bloomers, people who have entered new realms while in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s: Grandma Moses, Colonel Sanders, Ronald Reagan, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

You probably have already bloomed in one or more fields, but is there a new one bubbling inside? Sometimes your blooming interest is related in focus, but comes in a different form. Or you turn a hobby into a career. Or you proceed in an entirely different direction.

Experience and age lead to increased self knowledge and motivation. You have the awareness of what makes you happy, how you prefer spending your time, what’s essential to your existence. Creating purpose and giving back call out as we get older. Knowing your work is vital to others allows you to feel relevant and useful.

Aging reminds you that life is finite. You don’t have unlimited time. What are you avoiding that is important? Even if the answer isn’t readily evident, the nagging dissatisfaction signals it’s time to look. To dig deeper into what needs to be eliminated and added to your life.

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open”

Alexander Graham Bell

Bill is 55 and has a good position and success in his company. He enjoys his co-workers and makes a comfortable living. But Bill is wondering how much longer he wants to remain. While considering retirement at the traditional age of 65, Bill can’t fathom doing this career ten more years. He wants more freedom, more creativity, something more challenging to sink his teeth into. Something that matters. Bill is on the Board of a local non-profit. Helping children from impoverished homes feels very fulfilling to him.

“Certainly I can’t go back to school to become a social worker,” Bill thinks. “I’m way too old for that.” But who says Bill is too old and that higher education is the only entry to a new field? In order to discover his options for helping children, Bill needs more information about what organizations exist and the variety of roles professionals fill. Bill needs to talk to people who are doing what interests him. He requires role models and mentors.

What actions do you need to take in order to bloom in a new way? How vital is it for you to grow and develop? What will be the loss if you fail to act? A place to begin is this resource on career changes.

And no, for me a lifestyle by the water isn’t enough.

Get ready for blooming:

What will you regret never doing?
How do you want to contribute?
What talents can you share?
Explore the possibilities
Try one on

Keep growing and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , ,

reasons you work: career evolution

December 28, 2015 by

Retirement here I come! Are you longing for the day when you don’t have to work anymore? When you can retire? This concept of retirement is changing dramatically. Previously, retirement usually occurred around 65 and most entered a life of rest and relaxation. That’s no longer the template.

Many people are working for pay way past 65. Either because they need funds to survive or because they have uncovered a reason to keep working. And most are doing some form of unpaid work. Whether it’s caregiving parents, partners or grandchildren, serving their communities or volunteering with non-profits.

Why do you work? Looking over your work cycle, note how the reasons you work change over time. You probably worked during high school and college. These were spending money jobs, money for books, tuition money or internships that introduced you to various fields. Some jobs were paid and others you did for experience or to give back. Maybe through volunteering you earned credits or good references or a place in heaven.

Remember your first real job after graduation? Were you working because you were driven or because it was expected? Were you hoping to live independently and become successful in a chosen field? Or were you testing the waters, making relationships, learning about yourself?

As you grow, so do your reasons for working. There is often the need not only to support yourself, but also a growing family. There is the societal pressure to accumulate material possessions and experiences, like cars, homes, vacations. But there is also the drive to move up the ladder. Take on more responsibility and leadership, and produce results while becoming an expert in your profession.

Samantha is in her 50’s and was just appointed full professor at the state university. She worked very hard to get there, teaching, doing research, chairing committees, earning grants. Samantha is often tired and overwhelmed with her work load. She always thought being a professor would be something she could do forever, slowing down gradually as she aged. And yet as she rises through the ranks, it seems people expect more from her. And the system she entered no longer looks the same. She is teaching less and grant writing more.

While Samantha questions what is ahead for her, she hardly dares to ask why she continues in her position. What does it provide her? Is she fulfilled?

Samantha’s friend Harry is retired and his life seems so simple to Samantha. He appears to have no pressures and his time is his own. Harry retired because he could afford it and was no longer finding work satisfaction. Harry thought he accomplished everything he desired, but now often finds himself adrift.

Harry is 70 and society accepts that he is retired. No one asks him why he isn’t working. In fact if he found a new career or started his own business, people might wonder why. Now if Samantha retired at 55, she might have to explain herself to family, friends, society.

As long as we believe there is a prescribed place you need to be based on your age, we will have people who defy those norms. As people age, most seek work that has meaning and purpose. Meaningful to you and meaningful to others.

How will you decide when to work and when to retire? How will you answer that question: What do you do? Who are you? How will you design what is best for you?

George is 85 and still works for pay part time. His sister is 88 and working also. This wasn’t the norm with their parents, but it is their way. If you ask them why they still work, they will tell you they enjoy it. It stimulates them. They are making a difference and choose to be involved. Who are we to say what’s best or right for someone else? How can we acknowledge all the various life designs that people create?

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”

Henry David Thoreau

You can benefit from these diverse role models as you chart your course. There is no script to follow. You have the freedom to make life fit your desires. A second, third, fourth act await you, if you wish. Your legacy will comprise all that you create and the lives you touch.

Why work:

List your current reasons for working
Make a work history time line
Identify your current legacies
Imagine how your future could be different
Take one step toward your vision

Happy drumming and hope to meet on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design Tagged With: , , ,

readiness for retirement: your time to plan

February 7, 2015 by

When is the right time to start planning for retirement? There are people in their 40’s who say “I’m too young to think about that” or people in their 30’s who already have a vision of the various career chapters they want to pursue until their last breath.

What actually is retirement? Why do some people love “retirement” and others feel they should have never retired? Let’s be clear. The term retirement is outdated and unrepresentative. We lack consensus on a more accurate term, but some suggestions are: Act II, Renewment, Encore, My Time, Refirement, and Next Chapter.

Historically most people retired at 65 when eligible for Social Security and Medicare benefits. Often they no longer worked for pay. Today the average age of retirement from a main career is 62 and most retirees are wanting or having to find new paid work. So retirement is not a disengagement from work, but a transition to a new way of living.

Work in retirement will become increasingly commonplace. Seventy-two percent of pre-retirees over 50 say their ideal retirement will include working. Nearly 58% of working retirees transition to a different line of work and they are 3 times as likely to start their own business than younger people. This encore work is fast becoming the fourth leg of retirement financing along with Social Security, pensions, and savings.

Due to medical advances we have gained 30 years of life expectancy in the 20th century. In 1900 Americans lived to an average age of 47. Today it is 79 and rising. A 60 year old today has a life expectancy of 81.6 years. So at 65 you may have 20+ years to use as you wish. Working on your own terms for pay or love may be part of that life. Options include: bridge jobs, part time work, contracting, entrepreneurship, volunteer/civic engagement opportunities, phased retirement, consulting, job sharing, temporary work, seasonal, or encore careers.

Comparing your current with desired life style (how you live) and your livelihood (how you work) allows you to design a life portfolio that meets your vision of the future. In fact people will plan multiple retirements or transitions as they create new opportunities for themselves.

Mark is a real estate agent who is 60. While he loves working with new clients and helping them find their dream homes, Mark has begun thinking about other ways to contribute. After 30 years in his career, Mark is eager to try something new. Through talking with his wife and friends, reading, and taking courses, Mark is designing his next chapter and beyond. He is drawing a timeline with the steps needed to transition into becoming a self employed CPA. Mark figures he can work as much as he wants and needs, but also take time off in slow periods. He likes the idea of learning new skills, becoming more flexible, and continuing to help people.

You may have dreams of your own. What everyone shares is a drive to establish an authentic lifestyle along with determining what financials are needed to support it. The reasons people seek retirement are varied. Some leave work voluntarily and others are let go. Some run from an unsatisfying career and others exit to pursue a new passion. Taking an annual review of what’s going well and what’s missing in your life allows you to become aware of your values, interests, and goals. From that knowledge you can begin a thoughtful plan toward self directed change.

“We spend the first half of our lives learning what we love, we should find a way to do those things in the second”

David Whyte

It’s vital to replace the perks of our current career: the friendships, roles, purpose, money, creativity, stimulation, identity and structure. A full life includes relationships, engagement, health, giving back, activity, learning, and passions.

Initial Action Steps:

Create and implement a financial plan that reflects your vision and values
Take action to improve your diet, exercise, sleep and stress reduction
Ask yourself whether your work is fulfilling. If not, brainstorm ways to change it
Evaluate your relationships, leisure time, and happiness. What actions will you take?

Rewire and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design Tagged With: , , ,