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stepping out of your comfort zone: growth that spreads

October 31, 2017 by

What brings you a breath of fresh air? Every day routine can lead to efficiency, mindlessness or boredom. Experiencing something new grows your creativity, capacity and confidence. How often do you introduce a growth experience into your life?

Recently I enrolled in a metal art class. I love handmade objects, but have old messages warning against my artistic talents. Childhood art and music classes provide opportunities to awaken interests, but if done poorly can dash a child’s confidence in trying something new. My early conclusions were that I possessed neither musical nor artistic talent. These doors were closed for me and much was lost.

And yet throughout my life I’ve loved working with my hands. So independently I did sewing, weaving, knitting and beading. They relaxed me and gave me a final product.

I also became a “patron” of artists and love hearing about their journeys, learning their processes and buying their works. I want to encourage and support them in their dreams and efforts. But I also admire how free and courageous they are to follow their passions.

But what about my dreams and passions? What did I ignore and fear? My career as a psychotherapist and coach found me operating mostly in my head and heart. I don’t use my body in my work. Where is your career focus: head, heart, body? And what changes are required to become whole?

People approaching new learning or returning to previous interests can expand their brain capabilities. Through neuroscience’s concept of neuroplasticity, we now know that the brain grows new neural pathways through stimulation. The experience of being out of your comfort zone by taking on something brand new allows you to develop many skills including creativity, perseverance and flexibility that are beneficial in your current career. Plus this change of focus promotes energy to sustain a long work life.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”
Neale Donald Walsch

Amy has been a physician for 40 years. She loves her work, but it feels repetitive at times. She regrets the administrative parts of her job, but loves patient contact and solving medical challenges. Amy notices friends are taking up dance, music and painting. They report joy in their endeavors, meeting new people and expanding their interests. Amy wants to find something new for herself, but she admits some fear and uncertainty.

A frequent concert fan, Amy starts thinking about playing an instrument. In high school she played the violin, but gave it up in college. “What if I could study music and be around people who play?” Amy does some research and finds a local community college offering piano lessons. She enrolls.

Amy loves jazz and convinces her teacher to begin lessons in that genre. At first Amy is a fish out of water, but eventually the practices become pure joy as she gets lost in the music. She meets other enthusiasts, young and old, and they talk of playing together.

While Amy has a stressful job and is tired at the end of the day, after a piano lesson she feels rejuvenated. She finds herself approaching her medical practice with new eyes and excitement.

“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

So what do you want to take on? How long have you languished in your comfort zone? Perhaps it feels like you are constantly challenged in the work place. You’re tired of feeling stretched and never comfortable.

But taking a risk in a different environment can prove satisfying. Maybe you use your body all day, but rarely your heart. Taking on challenges in a new environment and developing unfamiliar skills constitute an act of courage. Proving to yourself that you CAN do something out of your comfort zone is a message that will carry you anywhere in the world.

Where do you want to grow?

What area would be a challenge for you?
Pick an interest
Take one class
Evaluate your growth
Continue or change again

Take that smile of satisfaction with you on your next path!

 

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Wellbeing Tagged With: , , , ,

authentic life or imax: careers in flow

August 2, 2017 by

A few weeks ago I visited Niagara Falls for the first time. I had always imagined it was an old fashioned, hokey honeymoon place. For that’s what people did in my parents’ era, take a trip there. I hadn’t rushed to follow.

But what I found was a gorgeous force of nature that pulled me in with its mist, pounding water and wonder. There were families from all over the world taking photos, enjoying the majesty of the falls. It was a group celebration.

On the Hornblower boat the Captain drove us up to the edge of the falls. Young and old were in amazement. I hadn’t felt that kind of excitement in a long time. I remarked, “This is like an Imax movie”. But it wasn’t, it was real. We were totally immersed in this natural spectacle. It felt somewhat spiritual and electric.

This experience made me think about times when we are pretending versus times when it’s the real deal. I remember seeing people at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas paddling pretend gondolas and thinking, this is nothing like Venice. No smells, no Italian language, no damp air, no atmosphere. Much of our entertainment in the U.S., at least, is an amusement park. As little kids we beg to go on rides and be amused. Even more with video games, we act virtually without real people or challenges.

What are we missing when we pretend through life? Using reality shows, movies, tv, sports and books we plunge ourselves in strangers’ lives. Is it easier to be an observer than live a genuine life? Or is this one form of learning? Absent consistent role models. More often through technology we seem to be distancing ourselves from relationships.

In your career how are you expressing your authentic self, your bona fide interests? Is your work meeting your needs for purpose and value or is your main benefit the paycheck? Gina is right out of college and snagged her ideal job. Since high school she has been part of a movement. She’s worked as a volunteer for five plus years and her enthusiasm has paid off with this position. Not only is she advocating for a cause she believes in, Gina is growing her professional skills in organization, public speaking and interpersonal relations. She’s on cloud nine.

Brad is not so fortunate. He began his career 20 years ago with hope and excitement. However, his workplace’s bureaucracy has stifled Brad’s creativity. Over the years his efforts to make changes have been met with rejection and his client contacts are feeling repetitive. Brad is not being fulfilled and the stress is effecting him physically and psychically. He pretends to the outside world that all is well, but inside he knows he must change something.

What can you do to more accurately convey your authentic self? One is to take a temperature reading of what is going well and what is going poorly. Does your work matter to you and to the world? As we age, making a contribution is more important than material possessions.

“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you”
Steve Maraboli

What is unique about you? What special gifts and interests do you love to express? How can the world or even one person benefit from you? What do you like to learn? What is a day well spent? It seems that contribution versus consumerism allows us to give back and add to the world around us. I’m reminded of Al Gore who suffered a disappointment in winning the job of his dreams. But he returned to an old interest and has established a community working on improving the environment.

Do an authentic check up:

Am I using my talents and interests?
Is this the real me showing up?
Where would I rather be?
Can I stay or is it time to go?

Sail on and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

words of inspiration: commencement reflections

June 5, 2017 by

This Spring I attended a family graduation at the foot of the Washington Monument. A more stirring sight is hard to find. But what was really inspiring were the words of the speakers who had overcome adversity and strived to express their values through service.

Maybe it’s a long time since your own graduation and it’s difficult to remember the words that served to propel you out into the world. What if you could have that encouragement and inspiration anytime you needed it? Instead of being alone and struggling to know what step to take next in your life/career design, there are resources for you.

I tried to take notes during the weekend festivities. Mature and young, accomplished and enthusiastic students, speakers and professors were sharing their stories and lessons learned. How enriching to know that others have been afraid and lost and confused. What a gift to see the paths they took toward work they loved. I was left with hope and urgency.

People with humble beginnings or with challenges so daunting rose to become engaged and productive. Senator Tammy Duckworth speaking at George Washington University encouraged everyone to “enter the Arena”. What does that mean to you? What Arena is calling you? Where do you belong? Exposing yourself to interests allows you to know whether it’s a “No” or “Let me learn more…”

Frank Sesno, GW professor and journalist, suggested we get curious and ask questions. What are your questions? What information do you need from within and from the world? At any point in our lives we can ask for a Check In. Am I living the life I want? Am I doing the work I love? What needs tweaking?

So how can you find inspiration if there are no graduations in sight? Or a few days after hearing a compelling message, you are mired in your day to day. Google “commencement speeches”. Just as we learn from podcasts, youtube, online education, we can access speeches from years past. Steve Jobs had a famous one. Kumail Nanjiani’s speech is gaining note this year. Hillary Clinton returned to Wellesly to address the graduates.

Watching a speech doesn’t have to be a passive endeavor. You can share your “take aways” with family and friends. You can digest and apply it to your life and create action steps. You can journal and reflect. These are peers sharing their journeys. And that journey never ends. It doesn’t go on autopilot. It needs your input and energy. Or you risk living a life that doesn’t fit you.

“Sometimes, the only way to discover who you are or what life you should lead is to do less planning and more living-to burst the double bubble of comfort and convention and just do stuff, even if you don’t know precisely where it’s going to lead, because you don’t know precisely where it’s going to lead”

Daniel Pink

What if you were to write your own graduation speech, a graduation from life up until now? What would you include? What would stand out from your life so far? What would you want to pass on? Here are some of mine and others:

Take a risk
Help someone
Find what you love
Make a community
Keep learning
Get in action
Ask great questions
Treat people as people
Jump over fear
Show up
Work hard
Change the channel
Be grateful
Laugh at yourself
Use creativity

What’s your list? People’s lives are zigzagging all over the place. If you stand still, you won’t grow. So get out there and experience something/someone new. You may not stick with it, but you won’t be bored. Find people, experiences, places that cheer you on, pick you up.

Write your Next Chapter:

Learn from the past
Take inspiration from others
Choose something new
Emerse yourself
Grow and be proud

Forge ahead and meet you on the path!

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

late blooming: careers meant for you

July 28, 2016 by

Ever wonder how your career would look if you had chosen a different major, or lived abroad or worked twenty years before starting a family? We can call these curiosities or regrets or even contemplations. What still nags at you to accomplish or experience? I’ve always wanted to live on the edge of water and if I’m really truthful, wanted to live and work outside the U.S….for a while.

I did the foreign piece and still am fortunate to travel frequently. After a long career as a therapist, I started my own business. Which is like giving birth at 60. And I’m still helping people, which I love. So what’s missing? Is it just a lifestyle by the water?

What is essential in your lifestyle and livelihood? What is calling you? Is it a writing career, politics or that invention you never started? Is it a dreamed about community or lifestyle?

Whenever I return from a trip I’m thrilled to be back in my own comfortable space. I say to friends, “I love my house and garden, but I wish I could carry them around the world”. Seeing and experiencing new vistas and cultures bring excitement, stimulation and learning.

People feel similarly about their jobs. Over time they become stale, you want something new. And yet frequent reluctance to change keeps you inert. Career benefits, security and colleagues block any urge to transition. Plus a worry that it is too late. You wonder if you are too old to be hired, too foggy to go back to school, too tired to become an entrepreneur.

The myth that everything career related must be accomplished by age 65 restricts you from dreaming up new paths. And yet look at the “late” bloomers, people who have entered new realms while in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s: Grandma Moses, Colonel Sanders, Ronald Reagan, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

You probably have already bloomed in one or more fields, but is there a new one bubbling inside? Sometimes your blooming interest is related in focus, but comes in a different form. Or you turn a hobby into a career. Or you proceed in an entirely different direction.

Experience and age lead to increased self knowledge and motivation. You have the awareness of what makes you happy, how you prefer spending your time, what’s essential to your existence. Creating purpose and giving back call out as we get older. Knowing your work is vital to others allows you to feel relevant and useful.

Aging reminds you that life is finite. You don’t have unlimited time. What are you avoiding that is important? Even if the answer isn’t readily evident, the nagging dissatisfaction signals it’s time to look. To dig deeper into what needs to be eliminated and added to your life.

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open”

Alexander Graham Bell

Bill is 55 and has a good position and success in his company. He enjoys his co-workers and makes a comfortable living. But Bill is wondering how much longer he wants to remain. While considering retirement at the traditional age of 65, Bill can’t fathom doing this career ten more years. He wants more freedom, more creativity, something more challenging to sink his teeth into. Something that matters. Bill is on the Board of a local non-profit. Helping children from impoverished homes feels very fulfilling to him.

“Certainly I can’t go back to school to become a social worker,” Bill thinks. “I’m way too old for that.” But who says Bill is too old and that higher education is the only entry to a new field? In order to discover his options for helping children, Bill needs more information about what organizations exist and the variety of roles professionals fill. Bill needs to talk to people who are doing what interests him. He requires role models and mentors.

What actions do you need to take in order to bloom in a new way? How vital is it for you to grow and develop? What will be the loss if you fail to act? A place to begin is this resource on career changes.

And no, for me a lifestyle by the water isn’t enough.

Get ready for blooming:

What will you regret never doing?
How do you want to contribute?
What talents can you share?
Explore the possibilities
Try one on

Keep growing and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , ,

el camino: finding your way

June 29, 2016 by

In June I experienced the pleasure of hiking the Camino de Santiago for two weeks. Pilgrims have followed various paths to Santiago de Compostela, Spain since the 9th Century.

A pilgrim is one who journeys to a place of special significance. This can be a physical location or a place within yourself. Many contemporary Camino pilgrims travel for religious, spiritual or adventure reasons. My Camino impetus was a mixture of motivations: celebrating my husband’s special birthday, experiencing new vistas and being active.

However what resulted were opportunities to think about my path, fulfill a dream and discover how other travelers approach life. My fellow pilgrims and guides were mid-lifers and beyond: we ranged from 40’s to 80’s.  We all possessed great life experiences, valuable relationships and accomplishments, but we were eager for more.

Being in nature provides a perfect spiritual backdrop for contemplation. And if that isn’t enough, entering each town’s sacred meeting place allowed for quiet and solitude. Creating a personalized “retreat” like this for growth and renewal is a gift everyone can use.

When and how do you take a break from the hustle of every day life? When do you think about where you are going, where you’ve been and what’s ahead? Who do you have these conversations with?

Often your talks with friends and family are around what you are doing vs who you are becoming. With strangers there is a freedom to be real. To cut through the details and get straight to what’s vital about your existence. Because you’re unlikely to see these people again, you can often have more honest exchanges. It reminds me of those conversations that occur with airplane seat mates…meeting someone and leaving changed.

Perhaps being away from home gives you permission to explore, be different, interrupt the status quo. This was a hike with a destination and a purpose. We lived completely in the present, but had room for reflection. A walking meditation works for some and for others a walk with thinking, sensing, or talking.

One special highlight of the Camino was receiving a pilgrim’s blessing on two separate occasions: one in a simple, rural church and one in the great Cathedral in Santiago. Here we were recognized, honored, supported. Walking the Camino was valuable and significant. We felt encouraged and included in a community that goes back hundreds of centuries.

“Traveler, there is no path
The path is made by walking

Traveler, the path is your tracks
And nothing more

Traveler, there is no path
The path is made by walking

By walking you make a path
And turning, you look back
At a way you will never tread again

Traveler, there is no road
Only wakes in the sea”

Antonio Machado

Closer to home, Mavis is uncomfortable. She thought she knew what she wanted to do with her life, but now is not sure. The things that at first interested her, no longer hold that attraction. What happened she wonders. How could that passion disappear? She feels lost, without a compass.

All of us have times in our lives when we are lost personally or professionally like Mavis. It could be after college, at midlife, at retirement, after a death or divorce. A bell rings signaling time to re-evaluate. It’s a tipping point. You have to change course and you don’t want to blow it. You want to get it right.

The truth is there is no “right”. Life isn’t a straight shot to the goal. It’s a series of meanders, where you head in the best imagined direction with the information you have. And then, when that no longer works, you pick up again on a new route.

One day in Madrid while in a curvy, medieval section of town with map in hand, I couldn’t find where I wanted to go. As usual the print was too small, the streets weren’t named and I was lost. But after the frustration, I instead focused on the beauty of the architecture, the joy of the people and the cloud formations above. Eventually the destination was found, but looking back I remember the journey as the best part.

Making your way:

Create your retreat experience
Leave it spontaneous or have intentions
Write down your findings
Start a thread of themes
Dare to glimpse ahead, stretch
Take one step

Buen Camino. Y a ti también.

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Wellbeing Tagged With: , , , ,

mudslide: unexpected obstacles that derail life/career plans

October 29, 2015 by

Have you ever had a plan that was interrupted by something outside your control? Often you do the work, keep the deadlines, get the information, use your skills and wham, something stops you in our tracks. “This isn’t fair”, you cry. “Why is this happening to me?” you ask. “I did everything right”.

Recently while vacationing in California, I had a family reunion scheduled. All was in place to arrive with time to spare and then, the unexpected occurred. A mudslide closed the road I was traveling. Now I don’t live in a place that has mudslides. This was a total shock after enjoying two weeks of dry, sunny California weather. But it happened and the resulting detour added 7 hours to the trip and caused me to miss the initial event.

Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I devastated? No. This was a minor loss with minimal cost in the scheme of life. I adjusted, did the extra work needed and recovered a partial victory.

All of us have far more serious challenges over our life span: personal illnesses, family loss, divorce, unemployment and financial ruin. Life seems to roll in waves with ups and downs. Good times and bad. Your career is one major part of life that can be rocky and confusing. Other areas are relationships, finances and health.

How you develop your skills to meet these challenges impact the results of the tough times. When you appreciate your good times, build resources for the bad ones and show up strong when you are knocked off base, you can lesson the negative repercussions of unwanted change.

Barry is sailing along in his favorite job of 8 years. He came in green, but has worked hard to advance his skills and professional relationships. Barry can see himself doing this work until retirement. He loves his co-workers and clients. He feels he’s making a difference in the lives of others.

One day, suddenly, the owner of Barry’s company dies. Being a family owned business, the son and daughter step in. Times are rocky due to this calamity. After a few months, the family decides to sell the business. The new owner makes significant changes putting his mark on operations.

Barry doesn’t recognize his company anymore. His position is re-designed and his supervisor is replaced. Barry is unhappy and thrown off kilter. His satisfaction disappears and he questions his future with the company.

Now Barry has choices. However, when your desired direction is taken from you, you feel angry and stuck. The faster you can “grieve” what was and begin problem solving next steps, the faster you can find a resolution. Barry can stay and cope or leave and seek a more appropriate fit. Sorting out the actions needed for “Plan A” vs “Plan B” involve brain storming, consultation, information gathering, and heart searching.

My resolution was simple. I had two other highways to choose. Or I could wait out the mudslide clean up. Career, health and relationship challenges are much more complex. The complexities in life test our ability to be flexible and creative.

“Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined”
Deepak Chopra

Rhonda is nearing her 20th year of work. In those 20 years she has blossomed from an intern to chief of a department. Rhonda loves mentoring others and continues to make clinical contributions. One day, out of the blue, Rhonda becomes ill and is diagnosed with cancer. She is blown away.

Rhonda can take a leave from her job and undergo treatment or continue to work as she is able and live out her time. Rhonda decides on treatment and creatively carves out a reduced work role for herself. One that keeps her engaged, helps her have meaning and is intriguing to her.

Surprises and change are part of life. Not much is predictable. You can appreciate what you have today, hone skills that allow you to adjust, be optimistic and land on your feet. You can face the unexpected with preparation. If you hesitate and fall, you can pick yourself up with humility and accept the future bravely.

Meeting the Unexpected:

Release your current plan
Grieve the change/loss
Gather options
Review possibilities
Take action and engage

Be aware and meet you on the Path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design Tagged With: , ,